Moving ON mode switch busted....

When my Dad and my fiance's dad finally met in Manila 21 days before he passed away
Casa Armas Glorietta 2 Makati City February 2, 2009

How much I put myself in mere trickery that papa just went out of the country or somewhere and instantly decided to forget about us here in the Philippines -- my mixed feelings of grandeur denial and minimal acceptance just builds up

creeping and accumulating every inch of my being
consuming and piercing my dreaded soul

I just end up in tears...

I try to put on different kinds of masks --
strong masks, courageous ones, unaffected poker faces...
but, at the end of the day when I don't need to wear them anymore,
my knees weaken and I fall myself breaks down
and feel extremely cheated without any chance of recourse

river of emotions...
streams of memories and thoughts...
trafficked within me everything's cluttered and I don't see clarity --

I guess no formula is going to work with grieving.
That's the sad fact.
It is only when I will genuinely learn to accept and embrace that papa is gone.

Until that day beckons,
I still feel the pain
I still feel the surreality of things
I will never see him again
touch him again
feel him again
hear him again in this lifetime...

But, the voice within tells me to be still and accept --
"Thy will be done!"
and eventually shake these all off...
pick up the pieces and move on with my life --

with a head held high
a father remembered
and a cross to surrender...

Thank You

Stories have been told. Experiences have been shared.
It just makes the family proud of Manoski -- my father. In behalf of papa and the family,
Thank you very much for being a part of his life.

Though everything still feels surreal -- Only time, genuine acceptance and a lot of prayers will help us move on...

We just hope all is well and comfortable to where you are right now!

Together with the rest of the family; Our mom and wife of Manoski, Emi; our eldest, my kuya Gio, his wife Helen and daughter, Gabbie in Hong Kong, Manoski's unica hija, my sister Ate Nina and our bunso, Enzo; Dad's siblings, her ate; my Tita Rita and her family and lastly, their bunso, my Tita Vickie and family -- we are definitely overwhelmed with the SUPPORT, prayers, stories and experiences with papa and words of endearment as well as, the sympathy expressed by everyone. We can't think of anything more on how to extend our deepest heartfelt appreciation.


To the people who loved and paid respect to papa as well as his good comrades from the Ateneo de Manila GS'65, HS'69, Coll '73 who went during his wake at the Our Lady of Peace Memorial Chapel in Antipolo City -- with our small chats during the wake, it unveiled more about my papa during his younger years and how he became an influence to his friends -- missing him most!

But, that concludes to everyone that he is definitely a man of substance.
We definitely appreciate all and really felt consoled.

Gio and his family are now back in Hong Kong and misses papa. My Ate Nina (who's leaving for Norway as a Registered Nurse in a month's time), my fiance Rica and I (scheduled to tie the knot on January 01, 2010) are now back in Davao and misses papa. Our youngest, Enzo (based in Manila and is currently a working student) will still be in Manila accompanied by our mom and papa's siblings and their beloved families; Tita Rita and Tita Vickie, until papa's 40th day -- misses papa.

I humbly request to please light a candle for Manoski on April 4th (his 40th day).

Thank you very much for all your support, mass offerings, prayers and for everyone responsible for the upcoming memorial mass at the Ateneo de Manila College Chapel on March 19th with a simple dinner in a restaurant along Katipunan to follow -- Dad will surely be happy and honored with that.

Your gestures are definitely overwhelming and beyond payment!

I just thank the Father for giving papa the opportunity to belong to a very united batch in the Ateneo that surely knows the definition and comprehension of SUPPORT SYSTEM and BROTHERHOOD! May God's favor rest upon everyone who reads this email and wish you only the BEST!!!

with all our love and sincerest gratitude

In Memorial of My Father...

To the grieving family and dear friends,

There are things in life that we just can't explain.
Only God knows why.
Live life as if it was your last.
For we just don't know when it's time to go back to the Father and be cradled again to eternity.

Papa is now in a better place.

He now sings with the the saints, with Lolo Gil and Lola Emma, the faithfully departed and the angels singing hymns of praise and worship in glorifying only the Father in eternity -- perhaps having a sumptuous banquet. With the short period of time that papa shared his life with us, join us in remembering all the good things he has done.


All the happiness he brought. All the love he shared.

And now, as papa decided to rest and embrace eternity -- may we continue to live on with our lives, bond as a family and treasure each and everyone, and feel inspired that in spite of the sadness of the alarming news, we still are loved and blessed by people around us.

Papa will surely be missed by his family and friends. I would like to invite you to pause and be in a moment of silence and remember papa -- how he touched your life. Please pray with us, his family for his eternal repose and embrace life with the music of his memory.

Grieving for the loss,
Manoski's family

Hong Kong Concluded My 2008!

Who would ever thought that out of spur and a never-ending stream of skype conversations with Oig...

a wholottaprayers&work --

in less than 6 months of planning and saving up to spend Christmas and New Year's together as a family-- we kicked it off in Hong Kong and definitely pulled it off!!!

Friends ask me when I got back and having the usual "huling hirit", "pahabol" reunions and catching up sessions...inuman...kuwentahan...kamustahan...kanchawan...kainan...

and then

pauses...
like enjoying every flavor in the palette

now reaching a deeper level of conversation kuno kasi tapos na ang kamustahan -- you know! ,

ana dayon, "What was the best thing that happened to you in 2008 Juan?", and in a blink of an eye, I always say that

spending the holidays with my family in HongKong

Then they gave me a rebuttal of questions or indefinite statements like "Why?" or "Oo naman, nasa Hong Kong kayo and nagbabakasyon! So, that must be fun!?" --

yeah! most of what they said was true and REAL to me! Who wouldn't have fun right? But I must say for the record that it was a 2 week vacation of pure temperamental and prized bliss! and just thankful and blessed that we were able to afford to do such luxury but, it was definitely more than that....

a stria of glorious reconnection occured....
reuniting happened
and a strewned family was again bonded&sealed

Frankly, everyone in my family were humbled and joyful that we were able to pull it off because, that was definitely where the fruits of our desire, hard work and determination in 2008 combined -- a collective effort rather than the "idya idya". And what highlights it; it is garnished with people who knew me from the very start and confident enough to know that they love me dearly -- even though at times I become reckless with their feelings -- I'm still convicted with that...and thus makes it more a memorable and life changing trip!

In addition -- my fiance was able to see me how I am with my family (which really matters) and see my family without pretensions and inhibitions and really spend time with them -- they now love her even more and accept her as part of our family! It was something that I would thank and be proud of my family as well.


We were able to travel, go around, go camwhoring, chillaxing, partying, steadying, reminiscing and surprisingly spend and splurge for 14 days in Hong Kong, Kowloon, Stanley, Ngong Ping, The Peak, Temple Street, Macau, Ocean Park, Fortress and everything on it!!! Definitelly after a year of not seeing each other -- being reunited with the family is definitely a reward. Surprisingly, we were still able to connect and converse on the same level after all the things that each member went through for the past 351 days of 2008.

Gio is still Gio, Ate is still ate, Enzo is still Enzo. Juan is still Juan.

Though I may say that we've all matured in time, we got to learn to value more our relationship with each other. Something that we're thankful and feel blessed about! Containing everything that I've experienced in Hong Kong forfeits the entirety of the experience. Thus, there are things that are better left unsaid. But just like the Lopez's and the Zobel's, "What's in the family, stays in the family!" ehehehe....

Hong Kong definitely concluded my 2008! Kampai! great memories yo!

Kagawad Lia Montalban's Philanthropic Endeavour

We were just invited by friend Bambina Sarraga to take part in feeding those malnourished elementary kids in San Jose Elementary School (3 hours away from Davao). So what we did? we bought some milk and biscuits in SM, had it packed in a sandwich bag and gave it away from me & Rica! 60 lucky malnourished kids... :)

As this year comes to an end, new relationships started and brought us to an awareness of doing the most practical way in having a remedy to HUNGER AND MALNOURISHMENT in this country...might as well support the endeavor of Lia in coming up with the most measurable and realistic efforts in feeding these kids!

Every week they do it over there serving vegetable soup and rice with a budget less than $100 -- and feeds 250 school kids!? you would definitely be surprised how in the world they do it!

A philanthropic act fueled by passion...
we definitely became a part of this!

But this time around, they served fried chicken and pizza for a change (it's the yuletide season anyways!) To Lia and her colleagues, congratulations for a job well done! and to Mayang! you definitely rocked the dough!

kampai!!!

FLIPSIDE

FLIPSIDE Magazine is an independent magazine conceptualized by ordinary people looking for the "REAL FEEL" in a magazine -- something that isn't "trigger fantasy happy" or unreachable by common people. It features different ordinary people who were soaked with the 1st world culture and falling in love again with the Philippines by bringing their technology and innovation back in the roots -- stories of ordinary Filipinos in foreign countries where most people back home oversee. Still featuring sports, lifestyle and tourism but now fortified & experimenting with information technology and the beauty of agriculture business. FLIPSIDE is a group project that aims to educate people with the new breed of initiative and innovation in living back in the roots.

RANDOMNESS OF THINGS...

Whoever has thought how spontaneity and randomness catches the fish in a rye? With the unending struggles and battles in my shell with the daunting questions in my so-called "purpose in life"...everything throttled in a snap last night and FINALLY (after years of "soul searching") stood up to which I believe will make me catch that golden fish...

I was groomed to be in the medical field by my parents especially my mom. She wanted me to be a nurse. “Sayang naman ang pinag-aralan ko and lisensya ko kung hindi ko gagamitin diba?” For her, being a nurse in Norway or in the US is my "security blanket" for a much promising future. It'll not only secure my finances but also, experience a different kind of life – a life filled with opportunities and for the record, HARD WORK! Which I think – I’m gonna pass for a moment. I’m actually enjoying what keeps me busy right now – farming. Anyways, I sometimes wonder what life they have over there in the 1st world? Is it more than the usual or more special than here in my homeland? I guess we all live the same way -- it's just a matter of what fauna and society we prefer. I might not use my license and education as my source of income right now – but, channeling it to a better avenue like starting a community based health care service in the “bukid” sooner or later which isn’t new but poorly enforced by the government will simply add up to my substance as an individual – a personal commitment of “pass it on”. With a head held high, I am now a proud community nurse and farmer.

Spending time in the farm last week for four days (unaccompanied by Rica because of her office obligations) due to the scheduled 2nd picking of our squash farm, gave me the opportunity to look back at me and see what really matters in this life – KNOWING TO APPRECIATE even the minutest of things. I missed Rica so badly but it didn’t stop me to appreciate the totality of my recent experience in the farm. I learned how to be a “community nurse” again where our workers looked at me as a “guru” and asked me about “health myths”, etc. and sharing them valuable and practical information is the most rewarding of all. GOAL MET ika nga! Most people who don’t value their health or are too busy with their lives usually oversee it, but they don’t know the impact of it to these people deprived of information and interaction – just wanting to be heard and addressed. It feels good to see them smile whenever they see us arriving the area. My value in the farm increases!

Last night, my mom called me up and told me about my scheduled examination at DMC. I politely told her about my stand about my application as a nurse trainee in the hospital and clearly got my point in less than 10 minutes and what’s great about it – she BLESSED me in my chosen endeavor right now! I am so blessed and happy that I have gotten it out my system and told her that I can manage my life now even without going through all the “hassle” of being a nurse in the city. As she blessed my endeavor, everything automatically fell in place and became crystal clear.

What I learned from this experience:
1. OPEN UP!
2. APPRECIATE!
3. FOCUS!
4. Life is so random; we either go with the flow or go against!
5. Life has a smorgasbord of choices; it's only us who can decide which one comes first.