Moving ON mode switch busted....

When my Dad and my fiance's dad finally met in Manila 21 days before he passed away
Casa Armas Glorietta 2 Makati City February 2, 2009

How much I put myself in mere trickery that papa just went out of the country or somewhere and instantly decided to forget about us here in the Philippines -- my mixed feelings of grandeur denial and minimal acceptance just builds up

creeping and accumulating every inch of my being
consuming and piercing my dreaded soul

I just end up in tears...

I try to put on different kinds of masks --
strong masks, courageous ones, unaffected poker faces...
but, at the end of the day when I don't need to wear them anymore,
my knees weaken and I fall myself breaks down
and feel extremely cheated without any chance of recourse

river of emotions...
streams of memories and thoughts...
trafficked within me everything's cluttered and I don't see clarity --

I guess no formula is going to work with grieving.
That's the sad fact.
It is only when I will genuinely learn to accept and embrace that papa is gone.

Until that day beckons,
I still feel the pain
I still feel the surreality of things
I will never see him again
touch him again
feel him again
hear him again in this lifetime...

But, the voice within tells me to be still and accept --
"Thy will be done!"
and eventually shake these all off...
pick up the pieces and move on with my life --

with a head held high
a father remembered
and a cross to surrender...

In Memorial of My Father...

To the grieving family and dear friends,

There are things in life that we just can't explain.
Only God knows why.
Live life as if it was your last.
For we just don't know when it's time to go back to the Father and be cradled again to eternity.

Papa is now in a better place.

He now sings with the the saints, with Lolo Gil and Lola Emma, the faithfully departed and the angels singing hymns of praise and worship in glorifying only the Father in eternity -- perhaps having a sumptuous banquet. With the short period of time that papa shared his life with us, join us in remembering all the good things he has done.


All the happiness he brought. All the love he shared.

And now, as papa decided to rest and embrace eternity -- may we continue to live on with our lives, bond as a family and treasure each and everyone, and feel inspired that in spite of the sadness of the alarming news, we still are loved and blessed by people around us.

Papa will surely be missed by his family and friends. I would like to invite you to pause and be in a moment of silence and remember papa -- how he touched your life. Please pray with us, his family for his eternal repose and embrace life with the music of his memory.

Grieving for the loss,
Manoski's family

Natividad

We basically grew up with Lola Nating beside us. From Manila to Davao, she was surely there for us.

Though she's not our direct "lola", we basically grew up with her. She's the only "Tia" of our mom (whom our mom grew up with) and our own "Lola Nating". Since she had only 2 boys (Tio Sandrex & Tio Jessie), out of frustration I guess, she gracefully took care of our mom (the eldest daughter of her younger sister, Lourdes), "owning" herself with an instant daughter.

From then on, she devoted her time and effort with us. She witnessed 4 generations of our family and truly our one and only. My fondest memory with her growing up is her contaminating laugh and 'inato' recipes. She left us a legacy of being "light hearted" and "service" where no matter what, loyalty to FAMILY comes first.

As she kissed dear life farewell and embraced eternity, I will surely remember how she makes me smile with her gibberish English terms like "inggerdients" rather than "ingredients" and cook for me her very own "kalo kalo, palitaw, bico, bas-uy and inun-unan na matambaka". I will surely miss her contaminating laugh whenever I make her laugh and squeeze her flabby arms (which I do love!). I will remember our talks about the bible way back in our house in Green Meadows. I will remember how she looked like when I passed the board exam and how she greeted us when she attended our engagement party.

And as tears build up in my eyes now...I pause...

and give it all a sigh, I will surely miss my Lola Nating....